Wednesday, July 30, 2008

10 Things Brewers Fans Have Over Cubs Fans

1. We do not have Jay Mariotti.

2. Wrigley Field may have the worst food in all of sports.

3. We don’t have as many racist or homophobic T-Shirts.

4. We have Bob Uecker. You have Ron Santo.

5. Here are some actual lyrics from “Go Cubs Go”:

“Well this is the year and the Cubs are real
So come on down to Wrigley Field.”

They’re real! Just like Pinocchio! Also, “real” and “field” almost rhyme.

“Baseball season's underway
Well you better get ready for a brand new day”

Hey, why don't I just go and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what'd ya say?

“So stamp your feet and clap your hands
Chicago Cubs got the greatest fans.”

Did they let Hawk Harrelson write that verse?

(For those who are unfamiliar with The Hawk, he is one of the TV guys for the White Sox, known for his excessive homerism and poor grasp of the English language. When an opposing batter strikes out he simply says “He gone.” He killed Lisa’s grammar robot, Linguo. He also has the worst home run call in the history of baseball. Yes, even worse than Ron Santo’s “Ooooooooooh yes!”)

6. The very best beer at Wrigley Field is Old Style. Ewwww.

7. We never let Ozzy Osbourne or Jeff Gordon sing. Instead we have sausages race.

8. We are allowed to have Friday night games.

9. Our crosstown rivals did not win a World Series in 2005.

10. Aside from all of the scapegoats used by Cubs fans (Bartman, Durham, Brant Brown, etc.) they actually blame and honest-to-god goat. It’s supposed to be a figure of speech, you idiots.

Bonus Thing Packer Fans Have Over Bear Fans

We may not know who our quarterback is, but we know he isn’t Rex.

On the season we’re 4 up, and 4 down. In the words of Al Bundy, let’s rock.

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