The Three True Outcomes

My brother dug out this old BP post by Rany Jazayerli from 2000. I'll give you the first bit and the last bit:

For this week’s article, I’d like to look at the amazing hot streak of Johnny Damon, who is hitting .477 since th-...hey, who let you guys in here? And what’s with the funny-looking helmets? Hey! Put me down! STOP THA...

Do not adjust your computer screen. We are in control now. Do not be alarmed. Do not panic.

But do not ignore us.

My identity is not important. What is important is that, if you ever want to see The Good Doctor again, you will listen to what we have to say.

We are members of the Rob Deer Fan Club. And we are here to tell you that the Revolution has begun. The Revolution that will spread the Gospel of the Three True Outcomes to every man, woman and child on Earth.

What are the Three True Outcomes, you ask? They are:


The Home Run, the weapon with which we fight the evil legions of Little Ball.

The Strikeout, a symbol of our refusal to compromise.

The Base on Balls, which brings balance to our cause.

Together, the Three True Outcomes distill the game to its essence, the battle of pitcher against hitter, free from the distractions of the defense, the distortion of foot speed or the corruption of managerial tactics like the bunt and his wicked brother, the hit-and-run.

And the last part:

But just as the darkest hour is followed by the dawn, so has the deep despair of last season been followed by the true breakthrough for our hero, Russell Branyan. In his first extended opportunity to play in the major leagues, Branyan has answered the call. In 122 at-bats, Prophet Branyan has hit 13 homers, drawn 17 walks and struck out 55 times. His TTO% this season is 61.2%. The greatest single-season TTO percentages of all time (minimum: 100 at-bats) are:


Name Year AB HR BB K TTO%

Russ Branyan 2000 122 13 17 55 61.2%
Dave Nicholson 1960 113 5 20 55 60.2%
Tony Phillips 1996 104 7 11 51 60.0%
Mark McGwire 1998 509 70 162 155 57.8%
Billy Ashley 1996 110 9 21 44 56.5%
Dave Duncan 1967 101 5 4 50 56.2%
Dave Nicholson 1962 173 9 27 76 56.0%
Jack Clark 1987 419 35 136 139 55.9%
Dave Nicholson 1964 294 13 52 126 55.2%
Rob Deer 1985 162 8 23 71 55.1%

For his career, Branyan has a TTO% of 59.8% in 164 at-bats. No position player is even close; the next-highest career TTO (minimum: 150 at-bats) is 53.4% by Rob Nelson, who as all members of the RDFC know, was the man who started at first base for the Oakland Athletics on Opening Day 1987--ahead of Mark McGwire. Maybe the A’s had a reason to start Nelson after all.

Prophet Branyan has again been exiled to Triple-A Buffalo by an intolerant regime in Cleveland, which is why we have had to take such desperate measures. We will hold Dr. Jazayerli hostage until our demand is met: Russ Branyan must be allowed to practice his beliefs freely. He must be allowed to spread the Gospel of the Three True Outcomes to fans at major-league parks everywhere. He must be granted the privilege of rendering the opposing defense utterly irrelevant more than half the time. We will not rest until this is so.

We leave with a message for all loyal members of the RDFC: a great and glorious new era is upon us. Rejoice! A great man is here to lead us, and a new movement has been born.

The Russ Branyan Fan Club lives!