I spend the past week doing three things, cursing the Brewers bullpen, reading Fantasyland, and watching my little sister play hockey.
Last thing first, my family was in town for the entire weekend so I didn't watch any baseball until today...thank Cheney (or Christ, whomever you pray to). I tried to stay completely away from the Brewers since Tuesday and it lasted exactly three innings of the following game. After my mom wondered why I was twitching (she had bought me a shot of whiskey assuming it was the alcoholism, which just made it worse) handed me her phone to call my boy and get the score. That's pretty much how the rest of my weekend went (oh and watching my little sis and her Minnesota all-star team absolutely house these east coast elitist bastards).
Middle thing next, Fantasyland. This is an absolutely amazing book
. Read it, don't ask questions, just read the thing you illiterate lazy bastard.
On to the Brewers bullpen...no. I refuse. Leave me alone. I would prefer to ignore it. My buddy called me today, half in the bag and told me he was driving to Maine. I asked him why he was doing that and he tell me "Dude, I have to drop off a jet ski, pick up a boat, and when I get back I have to one of my "13 Tasks*." This day is an absolute abortion." Now, I don't have any idea what that means, and I would never use "abortion" to describe something as sacred as the Milwaukee Brewers, but if I were that crass I think the nonsensical usage of abortion might just fit the current state of the Brewers bullpen. 'Nuff said.
Hey, way to go Danny Kolb, back on the horse like she never bucked the livin shit out of you. Bout time he got back on that HGH.**
I was listening to Buck Martinez on XM Radio and he fired off perhaps the funniest baseball line I have ever heard, in regards to Alex Rodriguez's 3 error game last week:
"ARod had what we call a Michael Jackson day. He had a glove on, but for no apparent reason"
Delusional? Fuck yeah. I still think the Brewers are in this thing (not necessarily a reality based or analytical thought, but fuck you if you gave up). 5 games back of the Wild Card with the Sheeter coming back? Dude improves our teams by 5 games easily (this late in the season, probably by about 2 games) and with the Ohko baffling pitchers like Sudoko, the bullpen just has to find a way to be less incompetent, and we have a prayer, which is all I need. I'm totally up in the air on trading Lee. The decision HAS to come down to what we get for him. Melvin can't (and won't) trade him just to trade him, so I'm not too worried. So far, the guy has been scary good in his player personnel moves, and there is no reason to think that will change soon.
I finally made it to the Big Leagues of fantasy football amongst my boys. I have been waiting years to join in the Big Game (large buy-in, killer payouts) but have been stifled by my age and lack of resources. Since I moved east, I have an air of respectability and a bit more iron, so I am in. Youngest player allowed at the ripe young age of 24.
I pick sixth...help me.
Oh, and congrats to everyone on the year of keeping this bad boy up and running. Welcome to the new folks, especially Clint. Sorry if I've had to disagree with most of the things you say, but that's kind of how I do. I'll do my part by trying to piss off every Deadspin soccer queer I can find, and direct them here, where we will beat them with oranges wrapped in towels...so as not to leave bruises (tell your wife that little trick, that'll keep her biscuits in the oven and her buns in bed). Also, if you listen to the D-List, yes, I am the guy from Boston.
Adios...somebody get Turnbow's Jobu a refill.*13 Tasks: It's some stupid idea that when two guys get in an argument that cannot be settled, one calls out Tasks, and they take turns coming up with 13 totally random events in which they compete. The winner of the most tasks wins the argument. They are only on task two (race to finish 15 shots of Gran Marnier) and already have no clue what the argument is about. Apparently this has been a tradition with these idiots since high school. Oh, the first random event was a cartwheel contest, which my friend lost badly.
**I have no proof whatsoever than Dan Kolb was a juicer. None. I still believe it though.